An anchor without a ship ...

Nick Cave recently posted some comments about relationship loss on his amazing site The Red Hand Files. As always, his comments are raw and incisive. In another post he described what led to his ability to be so honest -- because he too got to a point of brokenness and realised there was nothing left to hide and no reason to try to hide. May the tutor of brokenness help us all to learn that lesson.

Anyway, in his recent post, Nick responds to a fan who has asked "If, for decades, an anchor served a ship, which one day decided to cut its chains and sail away, can the drowning anchor grow wings? And if so, will the anchor always be burdened by the weight of having been used?"

Nick notes that "An anchor without a ship is just a useless lump of iron that lies at the bottom of the sea." Maybe you feel like that too -- I certainly did.

I want to echo Nick's wish, for all who have read this blog and find themselves at the bottom of the same ocean ...

My wish for you, my friend — and all the other abandoned anchors that write to me from the ocean floor — is that a time will come when you can reimagine yourself, not as the poor old stalwart anchor rusting on the sea bottom, but as a fucking ship and get back on the surface of the water and do what ships do — venture forth and begin again the strange, dangerous, glorious, storm-tossed voyage of life!

—Nat.

A good day

Not every day is as bad as the others, and today was a good one. The sunshine while kayaking with my son, helping run a barbecue at a fundraiser for SIDS, an afternoon nap -- these help to push the pain of loss away for a while.

One of my strategies is certainly to keep busy. And the last few months have been unusually creative for me. Having been shocked out of my normal life and habits, I am trying to reclaim some interests that have been lost along the way, and find new opportunities.

Busy-ness is an interesting thing. It can be productive, meaningful and helpful for both ourselves and others. But we can also use it to avoid doing things or thinking about something uncomfortable. For myself at the moment, I think it's about sublimating the frustration and pain and sexuality towards something positive. Turning that inner energy outwards, rather than letting it consume me.

I hope you'll be able to do the same, because it can create the possibility of a good day amidst all the hard ones.

— Nat.