"Can you still be my friend?"

H hopes that we can continue to be close friends. In fact she said once that she has probably thought of me more as a friend than as a husband the whole time. She says that losing me as a friend would bring more grief to her than losing me as a husband. She can't understand why I find that difficult and although I have said I am not able to engage in that sort of relationship, she continues to want it to be that way.

A while ago I showed her the lyrics to Lobo's "Don't Expect Me To Be Your Friend" and later asked her to watch a YouTube clip from the movie "Starship Troopers" (from about 6:21 to 8:30). She replied "I don't understand how men can't be friends". At least Kate Miller-Heidke understands, so it's not just a male-female difference.

There is no confusion in my mind about the possibility of being friends; no thought that maybe it might work. I simply will not do it and think it is unreasonable for H to expect it. I am angry about her believing that a transition out of marriage into a friendship could be so easy.

H doesn't like how I use the word betrayed, but that is how I feel. Betrayed, defrauded, discarded and crushed. Even if she doesn't understand why I feel that way, I wish she could accept that this is really how I feel. I am not exaggerating or being overly melodramatic or figurative. If you can imagine being treated that way by a person you have given your all to, would you want to be that person's friend?

Do you guys have similar experiences? Anyone on the other side -- i.e. who want to be friends with an ex-wife but she doesn't?

— Nat