Just as I was finishing the last post, a weird connection came to mind about my two recent references to Wesley: the Wesley who, in The Princess Bride, says “As you wish” to his beloved Buttercup, and John Wesley, whose Covenant Prayer says “Put me to what thou wilt”. I have been saying, in different forms, “As you wish” to both H and to God. And in neither case does it seem that my eagerness to serve has been honoured.
Now I’ll have to go away and think about what that means …
—Nat.
I have read your posts and understand what it means to have loved and lost. I am a woman that has been mistreated by her husband so it just doesn't happen to men.
ReplyDeleteMy husband treated me in much the same way as your wife did. He was emotionally detached from our marriage for a very long time. We were married for 25 years and to my horror I discovered that he was cheating on me. I, like you, craved affection and communicated my thoughts and feelings to him openly and honestly. He on the other hand, was an avoider. Refused to work on 'us' and thought that being unfaithful was a solution to his own unhappiness. We are now going through the process of divorce.
I grieve the man that I thought he was not who he is today and perhaps you grieve the wife that you thought she was and not who she really is .
I am not struggling with my faith. I suppose in times of crisis we either embrace our faith more or begin to question its relevance or purpose. I don't blame God as I realise that there were many subtle signs along the way that alluded to this man not loving me as he should and not being right for me. I have to believe that this experience, this very painful experience, will in the end be a catalyst for a better future for me.
My wish to you is what I wish for myself - PEACE OF MIND, a reprieve from the agony of thinking.
Keep blogging:)
N.
There is certainly no gender-bias with regard to mistreating spouses! It is probable that the traditional male had more power to abuse their wives, but in the modern English-sepaking world that seems to be balanced by wives in mid-life deciding that they no longer need their husbands, no matter how loving and dedicated those men have been. In both cases, it seems to me that so much happinesss is forgone by women and men who hold back from the intimacy that marriage offers.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your wishes -- peace of mind, and turning this pain into a catalyst for positive change are both wonderful thoughts. In email to me, another reader commented on the aptness of the phrase "the agony of thinking".
--Nat.
Now I just have to weave Wesley Crusher into the story and it will be a perfect trio :^)
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