The reason for sexual purity

A good friend has suggested that I think more about the nature of my commitment to sexual purity. Was it a commitment to my wife, for the pragmatic reason that relationships works out better on that basis? Or was it a commitment to God, for some higher, more principled reason?

Seems to me, as is clear in this other post, that I have held to the former idea. And consequently, now that my marriage has failed, the commitment to sexual purity seems pointless. But my friend’s question deserves further thought and prayer. How does my allegiance to Christ inform the expression of my natural sexual desires? What’s the spiritual purpose of abstinence?

I do not believe that God’s instructions to us on holy living are arbitrary or designed to frustrate us. And yet I don’t know if I can continue to cope without sex. My attempts to kerb my physical sexual urges have not been successful over the last year and I do not see how it is possible to continue for another year. It brings no joy and seems meaningless. How can this be God’s intent? And where is the "way of escape" promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13?

For several weeks I have been seriously investigating the option of turning to an “escort” and imagining how it would play out. What would it achieve? At what risk? Several people have advised me that this is a time when I should be looking after my own interests and caring for myself: I think they’d be surprised to know the direction of my thinking in that regard!

Today, that option seems less attractive than it was. Although it seems like fun, it does not yet seem right. So that plan is on hold -- for now. But something must change. Abstinence is killing me.

Hate is not a normal part of my vocabulary, but I absolutely hate this situation I am in. And I am angry that H has forced me into a position where I am considering such as option. I hate the waste of time and energy I am spending to mutilate a part of me that should have been a source of joy and blessing.


In this and other matters I am really lost. I don’t know where I am or where I am heading, and I have lost track of where North is. I am carried along by the momentum of my past discipline, but without my past confidence or peace.

—Nat